God Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Life is a constantly changing canvas. We either adapt to the chances or we stay where we are. I’ve seen people that are bitter and angry. They can’t get past it and they put themselves into that scenario every single day. Not realizing that some changes have to come from within…

I had a support group back when the hospitals were notifying people that they had hepatitis C from the blood transfusion they had during surgery…I understand the anger- it was a part of me, too. But if you don’t let it go, you live and steep in that anger. It eats you up. No joy. So many other things to be thankful for. Children. Grandchildren. Life. Even in that moment of giving support, I met people that became lifelong friends. Special people I never would have met. I’m not saying that the anger has no place – it’s just not the place you want to stay.

For ten years, I suffered from hepatitis C. I choose the word suffered carefully. Everyday was a trial. Getting out bed was hard in the morning and sometimes wondered why I was getting up. I kept fighting. I was in clinical trials and spent three years taking drugs that may well have caused some of the problems I’m dealing with today. Nothing worked. Then I went to Holland and was accepted into a clincal study. It was a 7 hour surgery where a machine was used to heat your blood to exactly 41.8C. It caused the proteins in the immune system to unfold (from the heat) and then on the cooling refold back into their natural shape. The hypothesis was that the immune system was defunct. It no longer recognized the hepatitis C as an infection. After the surgery, it sure recognized it. And then I underwent high doses of chemotherapeutic drugs for 52 weeks. I needed blood transfusions (ironic, huh) and had to take shots to build my neutrophils- part of your white blood cells. I still have to take those shots. It was the worst year of my life. But I persisted where my family had doubts. I knew this might be my last chance to rid myself of this terrible disease.

Well it worked. That was in 2004. The hepatitis C is till undetectable. The odds on it returning now are very small. Every day is a good day compared to when I had the hepatitis C. But no one knows what caused my spinal degeneration. Advanced disc disease. Spinal Stenosis. Foraminal stenosis. Secondary scoliosis. Was the drugs? Was it the hyperthermia? Those are questions that can’t be answered…But I had MRIs from 2001 that showed normal degenerative changes for age. Now they read like a book. I have the spine of an 80 year old and the mind of 23 year old. I wouldn’t change anything. That’s how bad the hepatitis C was.

Now I sit before you having had three back surgeries. Being told that I move like a young person and my mind and body are not in sync. I’m used to fighting. Where does acceptance come into play? Do I accept this for my reality or do I continue to think that all will be normal one day? Am I keeping myself in this place the same way that the people did with hepatitis C? I don’t know the answer.

Maybe it’s a half way in between. I was born to fight. I was a blue baby back in 1954. Do learn to stop and accept the changes? I don’ t know….I just don’t know. God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Updated Links on the Spine

I’ve added more links for everyone to check out. I’ve included some modified Pilates and Yoga, info on Scoliosis and Osteoporosis and just in general education sites on the spine.

Feel free to send me any links that you have and want to share.

Thanks

Dar

3 Weeks after the L2/3 Laminectomy and L5/S1 Microdiscectomy

How the times go by. I’m doing well, managing to taper off some of my long term pain meds. I’ve cut bad to 45mg MS Contin in the morning and 60mg at night. I feel like I could cut back to 50mg morning and night now as it has been two weeks. My brother in law suggested that a steady blood level was more important and that going down in 15mg amounts would put more of challenge on my body. In other words 50/50 is bettr than 45/65.

Surgery is Done

Hi all

Just a short post. THE l2/l3 decompressive laminectomy and L5/S1 microdiscectomy is finally over. I spent one night in the hospital. I’ll write more about the stay in the hospital later but it was not pleasant.

The Decompressive surgery went well, no unexpected complications or findings. Also no doubt about the amount of compression causing probems.

In the area of L5/S1 the S1 nerve looked okay compression wise but L5 was a bit of mess. LOTS of scar tissue. In fact, because he had to scrap off so much scar tissue – the incision ended up being the length of L2/3 all the way to L5. It looks like that was part of the reason that I was so bent over – the scar tissue was pulling me down towards the hip on the one side.

Anyway, it hurts like heck. I have staples in this time because of the amount of work. Lucky my sister is a nurse and can take them out or I’d have to go sit in my GP’s office to have the job done.

Managing the pain well at home. Sleeping well and resting. 8 weeks of inactivety except for walking….then occupational and phsyio therapists.

More later.

L2/L3 Bilateral Laminectomy & a Right L5/S1 Microdiscectomy is a Go

Well, it looks like the surgery is definitely going ahead. My Mom and Dad’s anniversary (and my niece’s) has taken on new meaning. Video posted on Viddler

Trying to make all the arrangements. Dr. Gul will be doing the surgery. They have one brand new neurosurgical OR at Lion’s Gate Hospital and I’m hoping I get slated there. Apparently there’s a nice big screen to show the MRI and whatever else is going on.

Dr. Gul wants me to see the anesthesiologist again because this surgery is going to be longer. Bill’s worried, I’m worried, my sisters are worried…be glad when this is done.

I found out that it’s about $22/hr for someone to come in and do stuff around the house. Emptying the dishwasher, making meals, changing the bed, light housekeeping, that sort of thing. 2 hours is their minimum and I figure that’s all I’ll need them for. And maybe just a couple of weeks…

Thelma is going to come down for the surgery. She wanted to know if she should come the day after the surgery so I could have one more day of “care” from her. I kind of think that she should decide if SHE wants to be here then. I’ll be lights out. Bill would certainly appreciate it but it’s a bit crazy.

I was looking at flights and it’s about $500 with taxes. If she stayed one extra day, the fair was $80 plus taxes cheaper but she couldn’t manage it. She does have the office and her hubby. No kids.

I guess should be appreciate that she’s coming. It is the third time… I don’t know why I don’t feel more grateful…something’s bugging me.

Joan is coming out from Holland, too. I think that she should come around Bill’s birthday. It’s going to be different when she’s here. She doesn’t know how to get anywhere. I’m totally happy that she’s coming but I need to be a little stronger than right after the surgery.

She was there in Holland after I had a 7 hour operation. That was too weird. The operation. I lost one whole day…woke up at what I thought was right after the surgery and it was one day later. I was still right out of it. And everyone was speaking Dutch – which I don’t speak-so that helped me feel like I was in outer space. Don’t get me wrong- the nurses and all the patients could speak English but of course they spoke their native tongue when they thought I wasn’t part of the conversation.

Anyway, Hannah aka Joan, did a great job of taking care of me. And it was almost 18 months. I was sick, sick, sick and that translates into crouchy, unreasonable and just plain rude.

OK- that’s enough for today. Bill just called and he’s on his way home. Stopping at the liquor store to pick up his booze for his 3 day getaway. I’ll be curious to see if he needs a crane to lift it up. Just kidding.

More later.
Dar

Specialists, Specialists and More Specialists

Video of the Results

Results of the CT Scan, the visit to the hematologist and results from the Internal Medicine specialist.

Hot Yoga – Bikram’s Yoga

I’ll finish the post on the matwork but I wanted you all to know that I decided to try Bikram’s Yoga as it is a heated form of yoga and I seem to be responding so well to heat. The room is about 40 Celsius and it’s a moist heat. I was beginning to feel tight in my legs and calves from the elliptical and also in the back from the reformer. So I thought the hot yoga might balance everything out.

Back Surgery: Pilates Mat Exercises that I Can Do Now

Wow. I see I haven’t written a post in a few days. That’s what happens when you can focus on getting better instead of being in pain. I’ve been doing really well. Able to work out a lot and finding that I don’t have such long recovery times. The exercises I’ve been are done really carefully and slowly. Absolutely do not hurry. Form has never mattered as much as it does now.

It’s All Coming Together

Started New Year’s off with a positive, out of the box experience (for me) was a great idea. I really do feel better. Granted I have kept my dosage of MS Contin up but if that’s all I have to do to be able to get stronger, then so be it. I can actually feel my core for the first time in months. I went to my second yoga class since the last surgery and I felt strong enough to do the moves. I don’t hurt all over. I did an hour on the elliptical and actually – wait for it- sweat! That’s a first.

Report on Dr. Guzman’s Visit

Well, it was a very interesting visit with Dr. Guzman, as always. He is such a nice man. Bill took the day off work to drive me to the appointment. Even though it was right in the middle of rush hour on a Thursday we made it in under 30 minutes.